“Carrying my snow shoes on a strap over my shoulder, ice cleats in my camera bag “just in case”, I set out into the woods to see what’s going on. Of course, I know what’s going on in a lot of ways, but I wanted to see what “she” had to say, Gaia that is, right under my feet. Sometimes it’s a tangle in there. Now that some of the ground is free, raspberry canes are popping back up & winter dead fall is like a maze. I might add, I’ve got a bad knee now. No more bragging about how I can bound down mountains like a goat. But strangely, half way into my journey, my knee felt fine. I thought, “this is great!”. Not so great by the time i hit mud and slush on the last lonely mile. Yet, the conversation along the way could not have been more productive. I can take a little pain. She said: keep writing. Face this blip with poise and patience. Okay! I replied. Dammit, right on, sister! This, while stumbling through red osier whips in search of a reasonable stream crossing. I did slip and fall into a brook a bit. Nothing major. I collected peony seeds from last fall’s crop, in front of an old farmhouse closed up for winter, and stuffed them in my coat pocket. A special pink single, familiar to me from years of tending to it. I really didn’t mean to disrespect anyone. No one has any practice about how to act during a pandemic. Of course, I felt outraged that my friends had been sent into a panic and I came out guns flying. No! No! Don’t do this to us! This can’t be happening! I cried. But the bottom line is, I admire the human spirit that clamors to help, again and again, to protect family, come to the rescue of strangers, spring into action and love thy neighbor. If I said something like “you can cough on me” I really meant that I would never turn away a person in need. I would never fear a contagion so much as to not extend a hand to a sick person or deny them refuge. This is the code of nurses. They get coughed on all the time. So maybe I’m a nurse at heart, brave and true, willing to risk the germs to give you a place to feel safe and cared for. That’s all. That’s all I was trying to say. If any of my friends are feeling inclined to distance from me for saying I bond with nurses, and that I will unconditionally take you in when you are sick, I will say that I included you in that group. I love you so much, I would risk my own health to take care of you. Not to spread anything, no, no, no! I’m locked down like everyone else. I’m alone as can be, not spreading anything anywhere. But I love you. If you are lonely and about to do yourself in from isolation, come to my house. Because, some of us are all alone. We’ll risk some flu to be humanly included by another fellow soul. Sorry if I offended anyone. I took down all my posts about the virus. We’ve had a lovely, supportive community here online and it’s a shame that it’s suddenly gone weirdly dark and mousy. It seems I’ve lost some of my closest friends but I won’t participate in that. I won’t distance from you in my heart, ever, even if you turn me into a “denier” or pariah or a woman marked by a scarlet letter. I don’t have the answers, but I am still, at least, asking questions. Let’s not be scared of how we may come to differing conclusions or scratch our heads looking at different sets of “facts”. Remember democracy? The world is confusing and we are all confused. I just want to hear your positive comments that will help us all get though this.”
