“Grief is a river, taking the form & shape of the channels it’s forced through, and yet, flow is everything. Each obstacle placed in front of it, is changed by its passage. The torrent of loss spirals downward, to some inevitable end, and every step, and test, as it falls, leaves a mark. We are walking, healing, scar tissue, each and every one of us. Our daily noise is the clamor of grasping, towards things we can’t hold, and places we can’t stay. And the dream, & the beauty we observe as we tumble, somehow carries us, and is sacred, and sad, and undeniably, a part of our journey. We will never be truly able to arrest any one of the streams that seem to define us, yet the choice to heard, and ring out what is truth, is our final, most powerful gift, to those around us, and to ourselves. I took my ramble today, in grief, each step a calm, deliberate arrow, on my way deeper in, to what I’ve done, and the consequences that have resulted. Sometimes, the people we hold dearest, and trust the most, will have good reason to despise us. Not because we are “bad”, but because we are human. Here is the weight, and the responsibility, of what it means, to be alive - here, now, doing this thing we only partially understand. At the touch of a splash, or a refreshing dousing with clearer water, we stand chastened. Perhaps this is Easter, or what we’d hope it to be. Perhaps a ritual climbing, to a font, or a trudge to be endured, each pilgrimage we make into virgin, or a forest less traveled, is an effort to be found, and be at peace. The chaos beneath our feet, is just there to be made sense of. Call it transformation, or surrender, or curiosity, or desperation. In the end, it is all the same. Every downed log sending spears out, to snag our clothing, or slimy rock, destined to make us fall; every muck hole hidden by leaves that sucks in our boot, or sudden indent, that is sure to cause a major calamity, to the hapless. For we are easily reduced, to being clueless, and ambushed, by fear, by the return of unsolved problems, or misunderstandings that persist within our system. Yes, it takes a bit of courage, to make intentional navigation that is sure to hurt, and regurgitate old enmities. But grief, is this hard way down, we all must travel, one day soon, or long ago. And like water, it will want to be released, and will never, in the end, be impeded by mere wishing, or pretending. I do love to tell you about the relevance of every mountain stream. And so I guess I will continue to tell my stories, and advise you, that I have made more than a few adventures happen, only to beg what is already doing the job in nature, to help me do the things that seem insurmountable. Because I do nothing alone, except keep vigil, until the next, most pressing, urgent piece of collaboration with my destiny, comes up to bite me. That shouldn’t scare anyone, unless, of course, you are like me. I have spent most of my life terrified about when the next shoe will drop. And it has, and somehow, I am still here to convey in my own words, that you can do this, yes, you can do this, and so can I, and together, we’ll do it better.”
