“We are in the woods. But I want to thank everyone who contributed to the spicy discussion on my last post. I feel each person had the aim to inform from their knowledge base & do so respectfully. This is what we should be seeing in Vermont media, not just a regurgitation of mainstream pablum. I woke up at 4 am this morning, arguing a point in my mind, and going against my sleep deprived body, bolted upright to turn on the light and run for the legal pad. We’ve got to air our differences. But there is definitely a climate where many of us feel scared to speak up. I’ve never felt this before. I imagine others have, at various times, fighting for unpopular beliefs that eventually won over the nation. What I feel as I move through my day, is merely flagrant gratitude for all the amazing humans in my life. A few have harmed me, double crossed me, even distanced themselves from me in an attempt to inflate their status, but in the long run, I love people of all stripes. In many ways, I am still, primarily, the mother of three children who make me proud, who had to tag along & get along, as i grew up into the person I am today. They have far surpassed me. Their independent thinking continues to push me off, as if I were a leaky dingy trying to attach to their luxury yacht. I applaud them, and they deserve all that they have achieved. But packing up a house of 20 years is an exercise in dust. No one is here to do it with me. Going through hundreds of children’s books today, I realize how many had worn grooves in my heart, and captivated the imaginations of the young minds who listened to me read. That ritual was never put aside. If we couldn’t sink into our comfortable couch and wander into a story each night, then we must have come home, asleep. I feel so grateful for that time. Why it was so important, I only partly know. We looked into worlds where you could sit on geese and fly, clamber into rabbit holes and cook up sumptuous meals, or climb the Himalayas with pack goats and gaze down on all of creation. As I ready to leave this experience that has been a home, I release the false promises of those who didn’t know how to give. I forgive myself, for being offended, by my own misunderstanding of what I could possibly hope for. I stumbled in, with every imperfection imaginable, and got thrown against the boards. God bless the motley, the deluded and the deceived. Bless the hallowed halls of moss, the scruffy field grass & marginal orchard. Bless the springy ground underfoot, that led me along paths, I never would have known without trying. The sprig of apple mint that took over the garden, the divots & holes left by previous tenants who thought only about taking away what they had planted. It’s hard to run a zero sum game, and I don’t want to even try. Take from me, let me lose, may I leave my campsite cleaner than when I came. The witches who tried to scare me off, the neighbors who continued to think of ways to assert their dominance. It’s all part of the karmic surprise. You don’t know anything and I don’t and we don’t. So when you come to my comment section with a whole lot of hot-headed bluster, and want to put someone in their place, feel my hand. It is on your shoulder, it is grazing your cheek. It is waiting for you to reach back, let go of issues, and engage in the practice of love.”
