“I know it’s a bad habit, this trying too hard. Trying too hard to please, to explain, to enable, to justify, to make things more pretty. But I do come by it honestly, as I back pedal my abilities, & lead from behind. Frankly, we’re all filled with hidden treasure. And I might not see your sainthood this lifetime nor you see mine. We might even miss the very boat we were meant to board. Too caught up in our own dramas, guided by our own blind spots, while an amazing world just sails on by. Well, it’s okay. This ain’t no easy place to have a picnic lunch. Didn’t get the memo that the world’s manipulated more nefariously than “at first blush” might indicate. Yup, that’s me. Insecure, mundane, just a low level know-it-all, fueled up on false humility, feeding my most grievous misunderstandings with more stupid factoids. Don’t quite feel sorry for myself, but don’t exactly appreciate how hard things are. Then on top I’m grateful to wake up, to another day on earth, despite the odd pickles I get into. Yesterday, the deal was a heavy root ball, and a couple of rookie fork lift operators. Maybe not rookie, but still learning, which you can see in a woman’s face, but not so easily, in a man’s. I was impressed, frankly, by the young gal who bent over backwards to fulfill my order at the nursery. “Ralph” didn’t respond, anyway, to her request for help, via walkie talkie. My tree was wedged in a difficult spot. But her family ran a similar business, in northern NY, she told me, from Malone and up and down the St. Lawrence. She was going for it with an efficient mind set. So friendly, so funny, so smart. Who could have predicted, a simple crab apple tree, “Centennial” would require military operations to leave the yard? My heart felt maternal. It could be me, it would have been me. “I can come” a crackly voice piped up over the hand held. It was the young, female head of shrubs, responding, where Ralph had not. Now the two women were in lock step, with a mission, and I, their silent commander. What has it taken us, to find each other? Breaking the codes of male dominated industries, is fought in small battles. like these. I myself have had male “experts” completely fail me, without explanation, in my greatest hours of need. It’s a metaphor for all under class people. Not enough money, not enough power, not enough credentials, by some unbalanced measure of authority, and you are alone. Zip. You might have children, you might be an amazing talent, but you will not be on anyone’s radar, for years, and years to come. Because that’s how long, literally, it takes a person, to dig out of a hole. Could be a lifetime, even for an extraordinarily strong individual, when you don’t have assets, backing or fame. But I can say, that despite my travails, despite my hard work, despite my obscurity, despite my back flips to coordinate positive outcomes for friends who are also clients, my people pleasing gene is in full bloom. A people pleasing gene that is trying to help me, first and foremost, but along the way, make life easier for the amazing people I admire, follow with curiosity, and outright love with all my heart.”
