“A simple trip to the post office occasionally turns into something else. Going down, I knew ... but it was too late to turn back. Easy to stay in denial while picking up Christmas packages and cards ... for about ten minutes. And being a bit too hopeful, you wonder if the plow could have possibly prioritized your road, suddenly, for no reason. Turning north, you begin the return, your ascent. Your 3 flat miles and 2 miles of brutal back country driving. You’ve been doing your best with a borrowed car. It’s quite a car, and as you slow upon approaching the first hill, you are both apologizing to the borrowed car for what you are about to put it through, and praying to the god that knows you need real stuff. Uphill stuff. Getting home stuff. That same god who reminded you to wear your Sorels, but forgot to remind you to toss an extra down coat in the car. Discounting the fact that you shouldn’t ask to be saved from stupid shit you got yourself into, you bend the rules in your mind with only a slightly guilty conscience. You kind of know already who will be forced to help you, if you go in the ditch: your already too nice neighbors. But, the funny thing about it is this. When all is said and done, the van you borrowed from them to move stuff yesterday, the snow machine they employed to rescue you today, the tractor they offered up to help you move firewood under two feet of snow, the Christmas parties, the summer bar-b-Qs, the good will you don’t deserve and never did, but somehow keep receiving ... Okay, Vermont. Stop being so nice. In all my married years, I hid behind the marriage and used it as an excuse to cover for my shyness. The past seven years of being single and having to crawl out of my shell has been excruciating. With a vocal disability that makes it impossible to utter the simplest of phrases at times, I’ve had to stand in the light of my own utter vulnerability and shame for being disabled. No one expects to suffer such a personal loss until it happens, and often it is compounded by other profound losses, including loss of spouse, loss of parents, loss of employment. I’ve felt all of this and somehow, managed to salvage my life. You have too. You are strong, and you are fighting now for truth and justice and freedom, as well. Who knew? Who knew it could get harder, just when it seemed completely hard enough?”
