“When the ground thaws, you have to gain the upper hand again, for any jobs requiring a shovel. I saw my window, and went to dig the fire pit this morning, in its new location. After which, my ambitions turned to lumber scraps, bark & leftovers from the cord wood delivery, no longer frozen in. Who doesn’t like a little respite, in December? I’d stowed my rakes, but we needed them, so I hauled them back out of the shed and the yard actually looked better by the time we were done. It’s a lot to juggle, tho. The dying cat in my household has had to move her failing body, according to the level of noise and construction, to find solace where she can. I spend my nights with her, on my chest. We’ve both been thru it. Our feral cat friend Carl, who visits, has been bringing fresh kill, depositing it where I’m likely to step on it. But the miracle, is this. Unexpectedly, Carl’s prey is the only food our frail, elderly kitty, will eat - as she reduces her consumption, to this, and nothing else, but pure mountain well water. And as I said to a cohort in a text: we don’t know our animals nearly as well as we think we do. We can be at cross purposes to what is natural for our feline friends, so I try to tread sensitively in & out of their world. What comes to mind is what my kids used to say, according to their peer group: “You’re not the boss of me”. No, I am not. But I am the one tasked with decision making powers. Plus some higher-level source/creator, as a kind of check valve. It feels beautiful, today. All of it. “On earth as it is in heaven” resonates with me, these days. Terrestrial geography must be encoded on the human brain, where there’s a will to find it, including the keys to every lost kingdom. The pull-off is an archetypal launching pad I’m always ecstatic to find. Today’s parking spot appears along the Natural Turnpike, a road in my town so mysteriously named I can hardly imagine what they were thinking. Attracted by a ski trail marker, then a VAST trail road sign, there’s a clear way in. From hay field, to woods road, to obstacles, forks & options. Nothing is ever simple. I don’t know really what I’m wanting to do. But the elements of intrigue are all in place. The ice is gone, for now, a tractor has left huge ruts, making foot traffic nearly impassable for a stretch. I gauge the time frame of the tracks, to anticipate whom I might meet, scrambling the edges of the muck, as I seek the higher ground. The sound of water increases to my left. The outpouring crevasses make predictable chasms, that often follow old roads, as they make for gaps. I might leave the trail, to sink into some elf world, at any time. The energy of waterfalls, is a seduction that beguiles, that needs to be monitored. And glimpsed, and, sometimes, photographed. After the intense pine forest and moss land, I find the tractor’s home turf, where a house has been erected, way up under the peaks, and maybe, it’s not so smart. But I applaud youth, for this, and I would have. I looked for it, I looked for a tough, muscular visionary. I had my coordinates wrong, and it didn’t get nearly what I wanted, but then, my part was also a factor, of course. I was naive. I got tricked & lied to and abused, which happens, but this is not a pity-fest. Because if we persist and don’t make memes or cliches out of being destroyed as a girl, our potential is limitless. The fragrant, bell-like conifers & thick mosses, amidst fallen trunks of every kind of pine, the soft needle-strewn pathways that even in December you want to rip off your boots to feel, this is our legacy. The intoxication of not belonging, of sleeping in your clothes as needed, and until then, being fine to be dirty, and fine to be alone.”
