“The map was etched in my mind, or the key landmarks anyway, to get me to the pallet dump to find free materials for my new project: a rack for my truck, to hold rakes, shovels and anything with a long handle. I missed the turn once. It wasn’t really a road. Hung a “U” at the next pull-off - by the smell, a large farm’s pig yard - and imagined the complex feelings aroused by selling off land to storage unit franchises & ranch house development. Often tied to paying off pressing debts I suppose, but the relief can’t last long. Which is how it goes. I don’t argue with anyone’s choices trading land for survival, not these days anyway. I’ve swapped things under duress. Or wasted my resources because I was too overwhelmed to manage a more equitable & self-affirming option. Yeah. Shit happens. There were some prime pallets in the burn pile, not the hardwood ones he’d said I might encounter on a good day, but certainly, some serviceable, not shoddy items. No one was around, so I didn’t have to explain myself, just heaved them into the back of the truck. Things feel good, when you least expect it. Mostly, when you come prepared for push back, and no one shows up with their chest puffed out. Earlier, I’d met the power company rep., arriving on time, to inspect my pole removal application. You have to give praise, same as you do maple trees budding red each miraculous spring, to those not required yet who go out of their way to attend meetings in the field. Excavators in particular, busy battling April’s wild waters, who’ve been welding pipes or wrestling the elements way before you were awake, or even yawning into your breakfast cereal. Men unsung, not necessarily noble, but solid as the Pyramids. I won’t build a mythology around such men, but I’d like to. Better yet, to catch sight of a man tagging trees during his lunch hour, armed with surveyors tape & a Sharpie, so that you will not cut off your nose, to spite your face. It’s easy to bulldoze, remove, destroy and refashion, according to your stylistic preferences, but the alternative has an undeniable mystery, you might well pay attention to. I’ve been on many construction sites, and built families, as well as buildings to house them. At this point, it’s all water over the dam, but where authoritative men were involved, I nearly always asserted my visions to mixed reviews. Whereas when left to my own devices, I’d likely quadruple my initial investment. What I want to say, is this. Be creative and beautiful, like unrestrained water. When funds dry up you’re done, but only for a bit. It’s not a bad approach. In Vermont you may pass years studying rocks and how they move (slowly) in the river bed, but also observe how short lifetimes demand the condensation of psychic centuries. Boldly go. I’m doing the impossible, as should you. Someday if I’m lucky I’ll frame it into words. For now I’m just approximating. It helps to share & when others go silent, to keep loving in the face of confusion. I hear everything you don’t say, even when it hurts. Your absence, is deafening.”
