Leaving the Known World
May 11, 2020
“You can walk & walk and not find your path as happened to me one day not long ago in a land called Vermont. In that critical juncture between leaving the known world and entering no-man’s land, legs begin to wobble, pulses race and labored breathing is laced with curses vehemently hurled at no one. Who rearranged my forest? Surely I loved this wild hill of my heart better than they! How easily our innocence, decency and normalcy are dismantled; Joni said it well: “They won’t give peace a chance, that was just a dream some of us had”. Yet we continue to slash at the unfamiliar, forge on against contrary evidence. Thick raspberry canes tear at our clothes; we push ahead. Trampled, slashed saplings trip us; we stumble upright. Flushing with shame we fall short of puddle’s end, sink deep into muck, and lose our boots. So on and so forth, extracting a vague confidence from the dimming sun while creeping doubts cloud the sky. How beautifully fear, fortitude, righteousness and anger mix! Still thinking we are rational watching things blur and spin. God dammit, lichen on a rock! Slipping, hitting a sore spot, I flail and stifle tears. I only wanted to get home. I only wanted to find my car again. I only wanted to feel my wheels moving and the freedom of pulling in at the edge of darkness to a house where people are expecting me. Turning off the key, dousing the lights, feeling the ease of having arrived to safety. Looking up at lit windows, to every literal shred of what is still mine.”